Love Birds

Well I would have thought this would have been a happier blog post, but it’s not going to be so readers, prepare yourself…

So I’m going to start off with something very very cliché but “What is love?”

I mean it can’t possibly be something that you can put a real label on. I mean, I love my family, I love my dog, my cats, I love birds&trees, my best friends, even a lot of my good friends I love. I’ll have to admit I seem to use the term very loosely, I love music, I love baseball, and I love ice cream… For some reason I seem to have realized that I jump into everything to quickly, I’m head over heels for something, whether that’s music or food or a TV show, then one day I turn it off because I’m so tired of it. All of its wonderfulness and humor and (I have paused her because my roommate, the infamous Steph Galvin, has just posted a blog post that made me very sad, but back to the story) ability to make me happy, just disappeared.

What I’m really talking about? I broke up with my boyfriend about 20 minutes ago (and ex-boyfriend if you are reading this now, it’d probably be a good idea to stop, if you don’t, well, it’s nothing you haven’t heard). To give you a brief run down, we started dating 2 months ago, in that time, I got a ring for my birthday, roses for various occasions, took professional pictures with his family… and if that’s not enough, he thought I was “the one” and needless to say I got caught up in it all, and at one point I thought he was too. Why? Because my past relationships were the complete opposite, no hovering, no excessive texting or phone calls, no flowers, no talking about our feelings for each other. So yea, being the center of attention and feeling wanted all the time was definitely something I thought I could get used to. My friends were happy for me and everything was hunky-dory… I thought I knew what the word love meant and I was going to be happy with the rest of my life.

Obviously, this cute little love story takes a turn for the worst… I wish I could say that it was a slow realization but it wasn’t… there were many things that I realized all at one time, and it was a huge “slap in the face” to myself. I had realized how caught up I was in something that was impulsive and so immature. I had lost myself completely, I doubted everything, and stopped desiring things I had always wanted. Example: For any of you that don’t already know, I have always wanted a tattoo. When I told my boyfriend I wanted to get one he said no, or told me I could only get it in one spot, right at my bikini line… ugh. Anyways, so for some reason I stopped wanting a tattoo because he said no. It was like I had become blind to all the things that I had wanted, and if that’s what that kind of love was going to be, I didn’t want any part of it.

I really hope that two love birds don’t experience that. The thought of feeling inferior to someone and not wanting to share my thoughts and feelings is terrifying. I mean, I am sorry that I broke his heart, but I can’t be part of something where I don’t have control over how I think or feel. It’s not his fault that I get caught up in things, it’s mine, but that is something I will take full responsibility for. I hope it’s something I can work on in the future. I’m sure finding love is different for everyone, and I’m not asking for any reader to feel sorry for me, or think I’m some girl longing for love. I also hope no one reading this gets completely scared off by my impulsive notions…

What I’ve learned, love isn’t impulsive, or random, it isn’t a ring, or eating the same kinds of foods. Love is accepting someone for who they are, being who you are, and growing together. I hope everyone even birds find that kind of love…

Ex-boyfriend: If you are reading this, here is that poem you always wanted, lucky you, you got an entire blog post.

Keep reading J

Birds&trees forever!

Sarah Ann Weaver