The Bird I Would Be...

Well I don’t know if I have expressed what my favorite bird is… but here it goes. I love seagulls… Yes, the rats of the sky, of the sea, and of your picnic basket. Why? Good question. To the average hater, seagulls:

• ·        are annoying
• ·        eat your food
• ·        fly around in your sunlight while you’re trying to tan
• ·        make the horrific squawking noise
• ·        blah, blah, enter complaint here

Anyways, Seagulls live and congregate around the beach. I love the beach, and as a college student if there is one place I’d rather be than class it’s at the beach, particularly St. Pete Beach. Earlier this afternoon, my roommate, Steph Galvin, told me I needed to describe and explain my love for seagulls, I told her that was practically impossible because they are such indescribable creatures. But I’m going to try to explain to you – my readers – why they are so important to me. Even though you may hate them, you see them everywhere. I don’t know if you have noticed or not, but their wingspan is broken; sort of bent in half. Please observe picture below:

Purposefully broken, and not to get all godly on some people, but they were made that way… For some reason that broken-ness, that imperfect wingspan, draws me to them. I feel like I have a connection with them, and I personally think all people should. I’m not perfect, we aren’t perfect, and no one is perfect. But seagulls face hurricane strength winds, they get rolled around in the waves, and even still, there are always plenty to occupy the beach.  Seagulls aren’t mysterious and wise like owls, or endangered and honored like eagles. However, to me seagulls show strength and persistence. They are a symbol of life; life with its ups and downs, its beautiful days, and its ugly days.

One of my favorite pictures I have ever taken is of a seagull flying into the sunset. Being able to capture a seagull with a sunset leaves one impression on my mind… a promise for tomorrow… not exactly sure how I get to that conclusion, but when the sun sets, I think of it rising again the next morning. I think of how seagulls will go on with a new day; continuing to live and annoy the crap out of everyone, except me. I don’t expect you to love seagulls now, but give them a chance. The imperfection in their wings could remind us all that we aren’t perfect, but it’s our imperfections that make each and every one of us unique and lovable. 

Love Birds

Well I would have thought this would have been a happier blog post, but it’s not going to be so readers, prepare yourself…

So I’m going to start off with something very very cliché but “What is love?”

I mean it can’t possibly be something that you can put a real label on. I mean, I love my family, I love my dog, my cats, I love birds&trees, my best friends, even a lot of my good friends I love. I’ll have to admit I seem to use the term very loosely, I love music, I love baseball, and I love ice cream… For some reason I seem to have realized that I jump into everything to quickly, I’m head over heels for something, whether that’s music or food or a TV show, then one day I turn it off because I’m so tired of it. All of its wonderfulness and humor and (I have paused her because my roommate, the infamous Steph Galvin, has just posted a blog post that made me very sad, but back to the story) ability to make me happy, just disappeared.

What I’m really talking about? I broke up with my boyfriend about 20 minutes ago (and ex-boyfriend if you are reading this now, it’d probably be a good idea to stop, if you don’t, well, it’s nothing you haven’t heard). To give you a brief run down, we started dating 2 months ago, in that time, I got a ring for my birthday, roses for various occasions, took professional pictures with his family… and if that’s not enough, he thought I was “the one” and needless to say I got caught up in it all, and at one point I thought he was too. Why? Because my past relationships were the complete opposite, no hovering, no excessive texting or phone calls, no flowers, no talking about our feelings for each other. So yea, being the center of attention and feeling wanted all the time was definitely something I thought I could get used to. My friends were happy for me and everything was hunky-dory… I thought I knew what the word love meant and I was going to be happy with the rest of my life.

Obviously, this cute little love story takes a turn for the worst… I wish I could say that it was a slow realization but it wasn’t… there were many things that I realized all at one time, and it was a huge “slap in the face” to myself. I had realized how caught up I was in something that was impulsive and so immature. I had lost myself completely, I doubted everything, and stopped desiring things I had always wanted. Example: For any of you that don’t already know, I have always wanted a tattoo. When I told my boyfriend I wanted to get one he said no, or told me I could only get it in one spot, right at my bikini line… ugh. Anyways, so for some reason I stopped wanting a tattoo because he said no. It was like I had become blind to all the things that I had wanted, and if that’s what that kind of love was going to be, I didn’t want any part of it.

I really hope that two love birds don’t experience that. The thought of feeling inferior to someone and not wanting to share my thoughts and feelings is terrifying. I mean, I am sorry that I broke his heart, but I can’t be part of something where I don’t have control over how I think or feel. It’s not his fault that I get caught up in things, it’s mine, but that is something I will take full responsibility for. I hope it’s something I can work on in the future. I’m sure finding love is different for everyone, and I’m not asking for any reader to feel sorry for me, or think I’m some girl longing for love. I also hope no one reading this gets completely scared off by my impulsive notions…

What I’ve learned, love isn’t impulsive, or random, it isn’t a ring, or eating the same kinds of foods. Love is accepting someone for who they are, being who you are, and growing together. I hope everyone even birds find that kind of love…

Ex-boyfriend: If you are reading this, here is that poem you always wanted, lucky you, you got an entire blog post.

Keep reading J

Birds&trees forever!

Sarah Ann Weaver

Just a little bird...

Needless to say… this past week has been hectic.… However, my best friend and I have come up with a master plan to conquer the world and continue to attempt find the meaning of life. Chipotle seems to provide the right stoner music and delicious food to discuss philosophical topics, for example: what one wants to do with the rest of their life.

Now for a moment, I’m going to be selfish, I’m not going to say what someone should say they want out of life. Family, friends, health, & happiness, are all wonderful, but as I was sitting in Chipotle with my best friend, I realized there is one thing I do want. Fame and Fortune. I’m not really sure the fame that I’m talking about is the kind of fame that figures like Lady Gaga or Bradley Cooper have. I want the kind of fame that makes things happen, the one that produces fame for others, and basks in the glory of their accomplishment to make someone else famous. When I think about it, I’m not sure if that actually is selfish at all… But I’ve decided to be honest with myself and everyone else, I want to be so good at something that I make a tremendous difference in one person’s life, but they make and even larger impact on a whole population.

Like a bird I want to be the one in the sky, flying around, overseeing everything. By most I will go unnamed, possibly completely ignored. But for those who notice the good I do, the beautiful songs I can make, they will write about me, take pictures of me, and talk about me in an unnatural manor. They will point out my wingspan and the colors of my feathers, and cherish me for the qualities I bring to the world. They will recognize that my ability to fly is not only away to escape from places where I could be harmed, but also a sign of hope. To be an example of persistence and courage to keep doing something that you feel as though God made you to do, just as wings were meant for flight. So yea, similar to a bird, my purpose in life will be to hopefully bring happiness and hope to those who feel like they have a certain purpose and want to fulfill their meaning in life.  I want to be the one that is in the background, so quite that I am almost forgotten except by those who truly know the fame and fortune that I have brought to their life. I want to be their little bit of hope and their encouragement to follow what they truly want from their life. Just a little bird whispering you can do it.

Fight or Flight

Flight... "fleeing the scene" in this sense... Some people think that choosing flight is a cop out, I for one have always had a hard time determining what i would choose... I'm sure they say there's a part of your brain that does the picking for you - fight or flight - however in some cases, the heart is the decision maker. In the heat of the moment, with your adrenalin going, it's hard to determine for yourself what you do next. At times, it would be just as easy to throw my arms up and say everything that's running through my head, bad or good, truth or lie. That's the fight, me running my mouth, would be picking a fight. Whether i take a swing at you or not, the compulsive word vomit is what will get the fight started. So what is my flight? what would i do if i were to just leave the situation, does that make me look weak? Am i admitting they are right?

I feel like this simple phrase we were taught in psychology has so many "ifs" and "buts", so many exception to it. Flight is not my way of saying they won, it's not my way of agreeing or fully understanding. In a certain sense, it's my way of trying to understand the other person, to look at it from their side. Even though some of the things they said or did may have hurt me, my heart will have chosen to not blow up in their face, or deny it... Flight doesn't have to be running away, it's just the one thing someone can do that's best for their own heart, and possibly their relationships. It's the brush off and forgiveness of a stupid comment or action that you will thank yourself for down the road. 

The heart is the deciding factor because that's what truly knows how you feel about someone. If that someone is worth it, you won't make a big deal about whatever happened; yea... it may have hurt and you may second guess yourself and wonder why they would act so hurtful.  But is it worth messing up a friendship or a relationship that is irreplaceable? So like a bird, flight is essential, it's necessary,and it may not only save your face from getting a beat down and your self esteem, but it may also save your relationships with the ones that really matter.